My Cousin’s Struggle to Let Go of Unfulfilled Dreams
Brent crafted a ceremony to lay his dashed dreams to rest and reignite his sense of purpose.
My cousin Brent Williams recently confronted a question that challenges many of us: What do you do with 30-year-old dreams that you know will never come true?
At 63 — just two months younger than me — Brent is a pastor who has spent his life helping others navigate the highs and lows of faith and purpose.
But when his own unfulfilled dreams hit a final roadblock, he and a friend came up with a bold idea: a farewell ceremony to bury those dreams once and for all.
For them, it wasn’t about giving up but about letting go — making space for new dreams and a renewed sense of purpose.
“I needed to embrace a new stage of life and to say goodbye to what had driven me before,” Brent told me.
Many of us grow up believing the promise that if you work hard enough, you can achieve any dream.
In our teens and 20s, we imagine the lives we’ll build — the careers we’ll conquer, the families we’ll create. But along the way, dreams hit barriers, get sidelined or simply slip through our fingers.
Brent’s journey is a reminder that sometimes (often? always?) God’s plans are different than our own and that we need to humble ourselves, set aside stale ambitions, and step onto a new path the Lord has set before us.
Sometimes (often? always?) the best journey is the one we didn't plan.
Brent’s Journey
Brent is the lead pastor at Colonial Presbyterian Church in Roanoke, Va. He’s been married to Melissa for 30 years, and they have an adult son, Liam.
What was Brent’s dream after graduating from seminary?
“I wanted to lead a vibrant church filled with people who were truly passionate about faith, growing in faith, and living that faith out,” he told me. “I wanted to see people excited about their relationship with Christ.”
But that’s not how it has played out. Sunday attendance at Colonial has dropped from about 130 when Brent started there 21 years ago to about 70 today. Dipping church attendance in America is not unusual these days, especially among mainline Protestant denominations like Presbyterian Church (USA), of which Colonial is a member.
Instead of spending most of his time shepherding his congregation, he found himself working on administrative tasks, putting out fires, managing personality clashes, and calling the plumber from time to time.
“My dream was unrealistic,” Brent said. “You come out of seminary thinking you’re going to change the world. After a year in ministry, you figure out you can’t even change the bulletin. Even to get someone to open their Bible was hard.”
As the possibility of retirement loomed, he found himself wrestling with a mix of guilt and frustration. The dream he'd nurtured for years now felt like sand slipping through his fingers, leaving him to question: had he missed his moment?
So he and his friend — also a Presbyterian pastor but a couple of years older — came up with a plan to put those dreams to rest — forever.
“In order to see a new dream — a new vision — we had to give up the old,” Brent said. “So we came up with a ritual that honored the dreams we had pursued for more than 30 years.”
Last May, the two of them took a 10-day spiritual journey to Scotland, spending one of those days focused on burying their old dreams and thinking about new ones.
Scotland was a natural choice for Brent. He loves his Scottish heritage on his mother’s side, and occasionally will wear a kilt for special church services. He has traveled to Scotland six times.
They performed their ceremony at an ornate, broken-down family crypt at Greyfriars Kirkyard, a 462-year-old cemetery in Edinburgh.
Greyfriars Kirkyard is renowned for its historic tombs and is linked to the story of Greyfriars Bobby, a loyal dog that is said to have guarded its master’s grave for 14 years, making it a beloved symbol of loyalty. Disney even produced a 1961 film on the story.
The cemetery surrounds Greyfriars Kirk, a church that opened in 1620 and has played a key role in Scottish Presbyterian history, particularly as the site where the National Covenant was signed in 1638, marking a pivotal moment in Scotland’s religious struggles.
Goin’ Away Party: A Liturgy for Lost Dreams
As pastors, Brent and his friend of course came up with a liturgy for their ceremony. Click here to see it in full.
They titled their liturgy “Goin’ Away Party” based on the classic Western swing song written by Cindy Walker and made popular by Bob Wills and His Texas Playboys in the early 1970s. Willie Nelson popularized it further with his rendition on his 1998 album Teatro.
The lyrics are perfect for a funeral for dreams. The lyrics include:
I'm throwin' a goin' away party
A party for a dream of mine
Nobody's coming but a heartache
And some tears will drop in now most anytime
Don't worry it won't be a loud party
Dreams don't make noise when they dieAnd so since it's a goin' away party
Go away and let me cry
Hey, it's just a sad goin' away party
For a dream I'm tellin' goodbye, goodbye
They played the song three times during their hour-long ceremony.
Here is what their liturgy looked like. My comments are in italics.
Music: Goin’ Away Party
Toast: Share your intentions (all toasts were done with scotch)
Prayer
Psalm 139 (Twice, once with the Revised Standard Version and once with The Message paraphrase)
Silent Reflection
Sharing: What did you hear during your reflection?
Write down our dreams of ministry and share.
Toast: To each other’s dreams
Reading: “For when you thought you would feel different by now” (All three readings were from “The Lives We Actually Have: 100 Blessings for Imperfect Days” by Kate Bowler and Jessica Richie)
Letting Go of Old Dreams: Burn paper that listed their dreams while “Goin’ Away Party” plays. The liturgy tells them to hold on to the burning paper until you can’t anymore “since that is what we have been doing with our dreams.”
Toast: For our lost causes
Prayer
Reading: “For When You Need Permission to Change”
Silent Reflection for New Dreams
Toast: To new adventures
Reading: “For waking up to life again”
Benediction
Music: Goin’ Away Party
Here are a couple of notes on the scripture they used:
Psalm 139 celebrates God’s intimate involvement in our lives and His unique design for each person. The famed Verse 13 — “You knit me together in my mother’s womb” — suggests that He has a plan and purpose for our lives, including our dreams and desires.
Psalm 126 begins by recalling the joy of the Israelites when the Lord restored their fortunes, likening it to a dream.
Jeremiah 29:11-14 starts out: “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” This passage is often cited for its message of hope, divine purpose, and the promise of restoration after a period of trial.
The Next Stage of Life: From Striving to Strolling
“There wasn’t a blinding light,” Brent said about the ceremony. “There wasn’t an immediate weight taken from my shoulders. But it started the process for me. It exposed other things in my life, such as my feelings of not being good enough — or that I should have done more. It exposed deeper stuff that I needed to deal with.”
As part of Brent’s process of preparing his next stage of life, he traveled three hours to the Charlotte area last month to spend a week at the Davidson Clergy Center, which aims to help clergy become strong, resilient leaders in their professional and personal lives.
Anne and I live just a few miles from Davidson, so I also got to spend a dinner with him hearing about his struggles and how the center was helping.
Brent said he had a better attitude and had more clarity about his future after spending time at the center.
“I have a better feeling of being valued as a child of God,” Brent said. “Now I want to go from striving to strolling. I think God is going to allow me to feel more joy in strolling with Him and letting God be God.”