The 4 loves: God's blueprint for our most intimate relationships
At Day 2 of the India Pastors Family Conference, we talked about the Bible's "great love chapter."
We had another powerful day of teaching nearly 250 pastors and their spouses who gathered for our three-day Pastors Family Conference in Hyderabad, India.
Click here to read about Day 1.
Chuck, Tim and I were, of course, on Zoom in the U.S., teaching on what the Bible says about marriage and relationships.
In one of my sessions Tuesday night, I taught on 1 Corinthians 13. Here is what I had to say to the couples:
In exploring 1 Corinthians 13, often known as the “great love chapter” of the Bible, we find an essential message about love that goes beyond romantic ideas.
In American culture, love is commonly seen through the lens of romance, and this chapter is frequently read at weddings. However, the Bible describes four different kinds of love, each with unique characteristics.
Romantic Love
This is not just about physical attraction, but a deep connection and commitment to one person — your spouse. Romantic love transcends mere sexual fulfillment; it’s about choosing one person to share life with intimately and exclusively.
Family Love
It’s the natural affection we feel for our family members. This love connects parents, children and other relatives in a bond that is often instinctive and enduring.
Friendship Love
This is a bond shared with those who have common values, interests or activities. While family is given to us, friends are chosen, and we love them for what we share in common. We find joy in spending time with them, building a lasting companionship.
Agape Love
This is unconditional love, often called “God love.” Agape love remains constant regardless of changes in circumstances. Unlike romantic, familial or friendship love, agape endures no matter what happens. It is selfless and reflects the kind of love God has for us, despite our imperfections and actions. God’s love for us is unwavering, even when we stray or turn away.
This love is so profound that God sacrificed His son for our redemption, demonstrating a love that is both selfless and forgiving.
Passages like John 15:13 and Romans 5:8 highlight that genuine love involves self-sacrifice for the good of others, sometimes at personal cost.
In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul doesn’t define love in an abstract way. Rather, he applies it practically to the issues faced by the Corinthian church, a community struggling with pride, boasting, lawsuits and division. Paul’s words were meant to help the Corinthians understand why their behavior was incompatible with true love.
Reading verses 4-7, Paul describes 15 distinct attributes of love, which can be grouped into two main qualities: love’s endurance and its humility.
The first five attributes underscore love’s resilience. Love is patient, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. These qualities show that love is durable and never gives up, even in challenging circumstances.
The next eight qualities highlight love’s humility. Love is not envious or jealous, boastful, arrogant, rude, self-centered, irritable or resentful, and it does not rejoice in wrongdoing. True love is humble, not proud or self-absorbed.
Finally, Paul says that love is kind and rejoices in the truth.
Together, these 15 attributes paint a picture of a love that is both steadfast and humble, always seeking the best for others without focusing on itself.
Reflecting on these qualities, we must ask ourselves: does our love resemble Paul’s description? Do we love others unconditionally, with endurance and humility? Do we bear with others even when they disappoint or hurt us?
True love, Paul teaches, is the opposite of pride. It’s about dying to self — putting aside our desires and self-interest for the good of others. In doing so, we align with the love that God has for us.
Paul assures us that this journey is worthwhile. While everything else — knowledge, achievements, even the world itself — will pass away, love will endure. God is love, and His love is eternal.
Therefore, we should focus on love, not ourselves, as Paul concludes in verse 13: “Faith, hope, and love abide, but the greatest of these is love.”